20 Hilarious Parenting Quotes

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Becoming a parent is one of the greatest joys in life. How wonderful is it to bring a child into the world and watch them grow and learn? It’s amazing when you hear you child say their first word or when you hold their little hand and walk them into school on their very first day.

Parenting is filled with so many cute, awe inspiring, and loving moments but it also consists of frustration, sleepless nights, challenges, and moments that make you think you are going to lose your mind.

Having children is messy and crazy but you can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that you aren’t the only parent dealing with these struggles. These 20 quotes sum up life with kids perfectly and hilariously. There is no doubt that every parent can relate to one if not most of these quotes.


Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up. – Ray Ramano

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it. – Jerry Seinfeld

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I love when my kids tell me they’re bored. As if the lady standing in front of a full sink of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time. – Unknown

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing. – Phyllis Diller

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable. —Lane Olinghouse

Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. – David Fros

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower, or vacuum cleaner. – Ben Burgor

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. – Erma Bombeck

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. – P.J. O’Rourke

Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare. – Ed Asner

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Children aren’t happy without something to ignore, and that’s what parents were created for.     -Ogden Nash

“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” – Franklin P. Adams

Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24-36 hours. – Conan OBrien

From what I can gather, motherhood is just repeatedly getting up after having just sat down two seconds ago. – Lauren Mullen

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world, but they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you. – Ray Romano

Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome. – Nate Smith 

Ever had a job where you had no experience, no training, you weren’t allowed to quit and people’s lives were at stake. That’s parenting. -Unknown

So I stepped away for like two seconds… – the beginning of every parenting horror story.

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. – Nora Ephron

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A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes. – Russell Lynes

A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm. – Bill Vaughan

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